I Hate the Waiting

I was down at station one. Turpin saw me and walked up to me and said “we need to talk.” I always hate that kind of thing, because you don’t know what it is. So the rest of the day I had to stew on what he wanted to talk about.

Chia and I went to Tam’s Place for some breakfast. It was nice to get out and chat with him for a while. We left and I took my motorhome to Moscow to get a new vent for it. They were out. I did get some food at WinCo as I wanted to.

I went to the station a while later and Victor and I went painting a couple hydrants and cleaning up some shrubbery around them. We got the rescue back and washed up before being done with it.

I went in to talk with Turpin. I was nervous about the conversation because it is never a good thing when someone says “we need to talk.”

The gist of the conversation is some of the reserves think that I am not playing well with them and I need to work on that, but I wasn’t told what the exact problem was or examples of things I have done wrong. I am being asked to change but not being told what to change.

There is a perception that I am on an ivory tower. Also that I micro-manage. I don’t like being thought of as someone who does either of those things. I hate the idea of being a micro-manager. Turpin gave me some ideas, in general, of what I can do. More or less he said that I will have to let some guys fail at their attempt to complete a task so they can see that it doesn’t work. I wouldn’t let someone fail in a critical situation, but in the daily routine things. It is the way they learn. I am taking from that point that people think that I am giving out tasks and telling them how to fulfill the task rather then letting them do it their way. Point taken.

That is also what might make people feel that I am believe that I am better than them. I have seen some people have a chip on their shoulder over me. The sounds conceded, but it is true. I am not sure where that is coming from. I never have pretended to be better than the other guys or to hate them, but for some reason, that is the feeling some guys have. It is possible that a couple people have fed it to others. But the issue is one I have to deal with. I have to make sure people don’t feel that one. I really don’t want people to feel that way about me. I would like to get along with my co-workers. I just hope that can be done.

Parts of me though feels like if someone has a problem with me that should deal with me man to man. They shouldn’t go to the chief and tell him. That is not using the chain-of-command. That is not dealing with the issue. That is causing more problems and drama. Well, there is nothing I can do about that. I just need to be who I am and keep doing a good job. Maybe over time people will get to know me and they will be willing to accept me for who I am.